Before my diagnosis, breast cancer to me was a pink ribbon or a woman bursting through a marathon finish line with her arms in the air. The bald woman looking back at you through the TV with a half smile in the arms of a loved one calling herself a survivor.
A survivor? As far as I was told by one doctor, “remission” isn’t real and the cancer can come back at any time (and often does). I had taken all the precautionary measures to eradicate it and the preventative methods for its return. But there are no guarantees with cancer.
Was I lucky? Yes?
Did I feel sorry for myself? No.
Did I feel angry? YES.
I am well aware that I was lucky to have caught the cancer early and that I had a great team of family and doctors on my side to help me through it.
I am angry because most woman do not have the luxury of their mother, brother and sister-in-law working around on the clock as representatives for bills, submissions, appointments, medication, etc. and a supportive father working hard to foot all the bills.
I am angry because I truly don't know how anyone with breast cancer is expected to:
- keep their jobs
- pay their bills
- take care of their children
- maintain a relationship and/or a household
- keep it together psychologically
I am ESPECIALLY angry that these woman are expected to pay for the astronomical insurance costs on top of all of this.
I am angry that the possibility of me being able to carry my own child has been nearly eliminated.
I am angry that even if I would be able to carry my own child, I would never be able to breast feed that child. Although it wasn’t really something I thought about, or highly valued, it wasn't something I wanted taken away from me.
I am angry for the loss of sexual pleasure. I hardly enjoy sex anymore. My breasts and nipples were a defining part of my sexuality, femininity, and womanhood - and for many women as well. My nipples were the most sensitive part of my body and a critical part of my sex life and my sexual satisfaction. I no longer have feeling in my breasts and my feeling in my nipples will not return after surgery.
Doctors do not discuss the sexuality aspect of removing your breasts with you. Nor do I believe it is discussed very openly (for obvious reasons) but this is a huge part of the breast cancer process.
“The lack of support — or even concern — for my sexual health from my medical practitioners was shocking.” -Gina Frangello
I am angry that I had people tell me that they would have gone another route - a "clean" or homeopathic" route. What many people don't realize is this can be just as difficult as going through the mainstream medical route. Maybe slightly less expensive but much more extensive in finding and following through with the right methods. I am angry that they felt they could comment on something they weren't going through.
I am angry because breast cancer is consuming woman all over, at all ages.
I am angry because CANCER is affecting almost EVERYONE - EVERYWHERE in all forms, whether you are actually experiencing it, or whether a friend or a loved one has experienced it.
